Before I got hit by a papaya, I got hypnotized Monday.
Well, actually, I got called up on stage during a hypnotist show.
While the hypnotist was excellent and some people were totally whacked out of their minds, it didn’t work on me. So I basically had to pretend I was in a total daze while I touched people’s hair and rubbed their elbows because they were aliens. It took everything for me to not fall off of the stage laughing. But I didn’t because I wanted free champagne, which participants are usually given. They actually didn’t have any left, but whatever. It could have been much worse, since one of my hair extensions almost fell out and my dress kept riding up.
Apparently I’m in need of an Oscar or something because at least five people a day ask for my picture. Well not quite.
But they keep saying things like, “Hey – you’re the girl from the show! Wow, you were so gone! What was it like?”
That or they remember my dress kept riding up. Take your pick.
After countless days at sea and for what seemed to be an eternal outage of internet, I arrived to Papeete, Tahiti.
I always dreamed of Tahiti but wasn’t certain what to expect. I could give a lengthy description of the water’s color or the black sand beaches that stretch for miles, but I’ll just say it’s like Hawaii on steroids.
I started my day off with a motor coach photo tour of the city. It was a great way to get my bearings and since it was a tour designated for 80+, I could get always get off the bus first to get the best photos.
(Just kidding. Sort of.)
Afterwards, I boarded a 4WD safari vehicle for a bumpy ride up to the mountains to view waterfalls and swim.
I met a stunning mother-daughter duo dressed almost exactly alike. Mom is 43. Daughter is exactly 20 years younger.
Well-trained in the art of selfies, they taught me how to pose like they do in front of the waterfall (Stomach in – booty out!)
I look really stupid in them and even for the sake of comedy I won’t share. I was never destined to model anyway.
After stopping along the road for fresh local juice, we headed down to port. Mom and Daughter invited me on their quest to sneak vodka on the ship. While I assured them they wouldn’t get away with it (apparently they did, but that’s another story) a liquor store was nowhere in sight. Seeing a local man on his porch kicking back with a beer, Mom decided to ask him where he bought it. Clearly he didn’t speak English, but he kept trying to understand her anyway.
I mean, she is a 43-year-old hot mom.
Just so you know, I was just an innocent bystander. Just to clarify.
All of a sudden, his tall Tahitian wife stepped out, donning a muumuu that could easily be used as a blanket for a queen-sized bed. Multiple papayas in hand, she began to strike.
And one hit me in the ankle. HARD.
Apparently she thought we were propositioning her husband, but it’s okay because now I have a bruise and a cool story behind it.
westderlust 